Transcript: Episode 140: Gay Wine Weekend

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[00:00:00] Susan Barry: This is Top Floor, episode 140. You can find the show notes at topfloorpodcast.com/episode/140.

[00:00:14] Narrator: Welcome to Top Floor with Susan Barry. This weekly podcast ride up to the top floor features tangible tips and excellent stories from the experts and characters who elevate hospitality and now your host and elevator operator, Susan Barry.

[00:00:32] Susan Barry: Welcome to the show. A native New Yorker, Gary Saperstein has been in Sonoma Valley long enough to achieve honorary local status. After a restaurant career that culminated in helping to open and manage iconic Sonoma mainstay, The Girl and The Fig, Gary created a wine weekend that has invigorated the relationship between wineries and the LGBTQ+ community.

[00:01:03] Through Out in the Vineyard, Gary's event and travel company, Gay Wine Weekend, and other events have raised $600,000 for charity while bringing together the community over food and wine. Today, we are going to talk about T-Dances and tailored wine tours, but before we jump in, we need to answer the call button.

Emergency call button rings

[00:01:29] The emergency call button is our hotline for hospitality professionals who have burning questions. If you would like to submit a question, you can call or text me at 850 404 9630. Today's question was submitted by William. Here is what William has to say. “We are planning a wedding weekend in wine country with tasting and tours in addition to the wedding stuff. The only problem is that my future brother-in-law doesn't drink. Any suggestions so that he doesn't feel left out?” This is such a hard question for Sonoma and Napa, but what do you think? Any ideas?

[00:02:13] Gary Saperstein: Well, yes, that's a great question. First, I love the fact that they're getting married in wine country and, um, you know, these days, the thing is, there are so many opportunities up there, you know, mocktails are like so big, even in wine country.

[00:02:30] So I know that whenever I do an event now, I have to ensure that I have other options for people, whether you're more than just water and iced tea, you know. And so there are, you know, companies that he can work with that can have options for them if they're working with a, you know, event planner, they could totally work with whatever they're looking for whatever bars they're working with to come up with mocktails for the event so people don't feel left out.

[00:03:01] Susan Barry: I think that's a really good idea. The other thing I would add maybe or suggest for William is that as you're plotting out the itinerary of activities and options for your guests for the whole weekend, when you've got something that's really wine-driven, put something at the same time that is not all only about wine. So, for example, hot air balloon or shopping or, you know, whatever the case may be. And honestly, William, if I were in your shoes, I might consider tapping a couple of close people to be the designated brother-in-law pal so that he doesn't feel like, “Hey, I'm going on a hot air balloon ride by myself” because I can tell it's really important to make this person feel included. And if he has an option, but he's doing it by himself, that would kind of suck.

[00:03:58] Gary Saperstein: And also might add, let the winery know that you're going to, because more and more wineries also are willing to and are able to cater to people who don't drink. And again, not just giving them a glass of water.

[00:04:13] Susan Barry: Oh, that's good to know. I would not have thought that. Oh, that's a really good idea.

[00:04:17] Gary Saperstein: Absolutely. I think more and more wineries are running into that now. So yeah. Totally

[00:04:22] Susan Barry: Makes sense. You had a very distinguished and noteworthy restaurant career before you started Out in the Vineyard. I have to know what do you miss about the restaurant business and what are you happy to have left behind?

[00:04:41] Gary Saperstein: I, I love the restaurant business and once you do it, it's in your blood. It never leaves you. And I would say what, what I miss most about the, the business is that energy, especially that vibe and connection you get with people. Um, because to me working in a restaurant, I always took it as these are my walls. You're coming to see me. And I'm going to show you what we do. And I love that. And so that part I do miss. And especially when you have like the, the energy between the, the front of house and the back of house, and it's just working and people are loving what you're creating for them and giving that experience, so I miss that. What I don't miss are those hours.

[00:05:32] Susan Barry: I knew that's what you were gonna say! I knew it. I totally guessed.

[00:05:36] Gary Saperstein: You know, I mean, I worked for, you know, it's like almost 30 years in the restaurant business of, you know, you know what, I mean, 50 hours is like working

[00:05:46] Susan Barry: Easy. Yeah.

[00:05:48] Gary Saperstein: And, um, you know, I'm working nights and weekends and all the holidays. And so I don't, I don't miss that part. I feel like a part of like my, personal life back, you know, so.

[00:06:01] Susan Barry: I totally understand. And I agree. You know, I entered the hotel business from the restaurant business and going from restaurants to hotels was like going on vacation and hotels are hard. Like it's a lot of hours, but compared to restaurants and catering, a piece of cake.

[00:06:23] Gary Saperstein: I worked at Au Pair's Du Soleil. So being in the restaurant business and then going to a hotel restaurant where it's like breakfast, lunch, and dinner, 24/7, it never ends. That was, that was, that was tough. It was a tough, um, you know, transition.

[00:06:41] Susan Barry: I totally get it. I am married to someone who, um, definitely wants to move to every single destination that we visit. And I'm guessing that most visitors to Sonoma have that same feeling like, “Oh, I could live here. We should move here.” When you moved as a transplant from New York what surprised you about living in what most people think of as a sort of dreamy vacation destination?

[00:07:12] Gary Saperstein: Well, definitely. I mean, I couldn't agree more. I mean, every day when you walk around the town of Sonoma, I, you know, you hear people say like, “Oh, I wish we lived here, wish we lived here.” And I'm like, “I do!” But you know, I mean, the, the biggest thing for me in the transition was also being. Out gay man in New York was how was I going to be accepted? And you know, what was life going to be like for me as a gay man in a rural area?

[00:07:40] Susan Barry: Got it.

[00:07:42] Gary Saperstein: And we're talking again, I moved, it's going to be 29 years now. So, you know, a long time ago, but, uh, fortunately I found out very early the first time my partner and I went to go buy a bed. we needed to buy, you know, furnish our house and go to buy a bed. And we're in the store and I would say the woman helping us was probably, you know, maybe late ‘50s, early ‘60s or something like that.

[00:08:07] And we're, you know, you know, you know, he's getting on the bed and I'm getting on the bed and then we're talking about it. And finally, she just said to us, “Guys, why don't you just both get in the bed together, like you do at home and test it out.” It was like, “Oh, you know what? We're good here.” So, you know, I mean, but that was my biggest question and the something that really concerned me. And so, but I have to admit that pretty fast, those, um, those, that worry was dashed, you know, and I was able to say like, okay, I can be who I am here.

[00:08:44] Susan Barry: That's good to hear. Before it was. What is currently a three day extravaganza. Gay wine weekend started as a T-Dance. Can you share a little bit of the history of T-Dances and especially their importance to the gay community?

[00:09:03] Gary Saperstein: Oh, yeah, I'd love to share that because I love I'd love sort of that whole history of where we came from and where we are. And, you know, the T-Dances started sort of in the big cities, but especially with New York, San Francisco, but in New York, especially out on Fire Island, which was like a gay enclave, especially back there, coming in the ‘60s and ‘70s.

[00:09:25] And as many people may know, you know. Tea, English tea is where you meet up in the afternoon and enjoy, you know, tea and little crumpets and sandwiches and stuff like that. And somewhere within that time, the gay community sort of got a hold of the tea dance, but took out the E A in tea and just called it a T hyphen dance.

[00:09:50] Susan Barry: Oh, I didn't realize that.

[00:09:53] Gary Saperstein: Yeah. Yeah. That's where it, that's where it's based off of. And so they created Saturday and Sunday, what they call T-Dances, where it was like three, four o'clock in the afternoon, you gather, of course there's music and DJ, dancing, you know, drinking and socializing and dancing. And so they just became really, really popular. In those days and it was sort of based off of though that English tea.

[00:10:22] Susan Barry: That's interesting. Something that I read that you will have to tell me if I if this is right or not Is that the T-Dances in particular? were important because there were laws about drinking alcohol and same sex interaction. And so calling it a T-Dance was a way to circumvent what now just seems like laws that had were in the 1400s, but weren't that long ago.

[00:10:53] Gary Saperstein: Yeah, it's true. It's true. And that's why we have to go to, like I say, like sort of the ends of the world to meet up, you know, go to these enclaves that were sort of far and reach to get to, um, you know, like in up in Sonoma County, there was Guerneville up in the Russian river.

[00:11:10] Which has come a long way, but that became a gay enclave in the ‘60s and ‘70s, especially, um, you know, Fire Island. Um, even, you know, in those days going out to the bars, it was always behind, you know, closed doors and, you know, it was dark windows where nobody could see in or, you know, um, and fortunately, that has changed. Um, thanks to people who came before us, but, but yeah, it's very, that's all very true. And that's how we, that's how and why we gathered as a community.

[00:11:38] Susan Barry: So you started as a T-Dance with a capital T and 13 years later, gay wine weekend covers three days, multiple events, dinners, parties, winery tours, pool party, all kinds of stuff. Talk about that evolution. Did you just like wake up one morning and be like, I want three times as much work. Let's make this huge. Or how did it go?

[00:12:03] Gary Saperstein: Yes, definitely more than three times as much work. But, um, you know, what happened was, is the T-Dance the first year That we did it. It was so successful. I mean, literally, we had like less than a month to put it on, but 300 people showed up.

[00:12:18] Susan Barry: Good Lord. Did you have enough room for 300 people?

[00:12:22] Gary Saperstein: Right! No, thank God we did. Thank God we did. And I will never forget someone coming up to me and saying, thank you for doing this. We never knew, we're club members here, and we never knew that they knew we existed.

[00:12:36] Susan Barry: And that was at a winery.

[00:12:38] Gary Saperstein: And that was at a winery. Um, actually it was a nap at that time at Berenger winery. And, um, so that's how it all started. And then, so we saw that, okay, this is a success and we decided, let's do it again. So we did it a second year, um, in Sonoma. Then someone offered us this beautiful space at a private estate and we did it like three years in a row.

[00:12:58] But what's happening was. Everyone was, was calling saying, Hey, you know, we're going to come up for the weekend. We're going to come up for the weekend. We want to go wine tasting or stay over. Where should we stay? Where should go wine tasting? Where should we dine? Hence how the thought process of Gay Wine Weekend began.

[00:13:15] Susan Barry: I see. Cause you're like, listen, I'm not going to make this itinerary 400 times. Just come this weekend and we'll be all set. Exactly.

[00:13:23] Gary Saperstein: And it, and it really clicked. It really clicked right away. And, uh, that first year we had, you know, I think that we did the three day weekend, like almost 500 people came up for the weekend.

[00:13:34] Susan Barry: Good grief.

[00:13:36] Gary Saperstein: So, um, and that's really how it was, how it all started. And it's a journey.

[00:13:43] Susan Barry: You talked about your guests saying, “We didn't know they knew we existed.” How do you think that your events have impacted the relationship between the gay community and the winery community?

[00:13:56] Gary Saperstein: Uh, that has been something I have to admit that I'm one of the things I'm most proud of without the vineyard is that yes, it's opened up our LGBTQ community to the region, um where maybe they haven't visited before but always wanted to come. Um, so now it's opened up that door and more and more people are coming every year, uh, but it has also opened up the wine industry. Because when we also started Out In The Vineyard, it was with my thought process of not understanding why the wine industry wasn't talking to us at all, especially with, you know, Mecca. You know, the Castro's 45 minutes, you know, south of us. It's like, why is the wine industry, you know, talking to us at all? So I really feel that we actually started that conversation going with the wine industry. It has continued more and more wineries and winemakers, um, have started to open up their doors.

[00:14:55] I would say last, last year, I really felt the impact where more and more. Of the wineries were connecting with me to say they were doing something during Pride Month, or they're doing a Pride label, or they want to donate money to an LGBT cause. So, I mean, that's been great opening up and having those conversations with so many of the wineries. I am, I am so proud of that and want to see that continue.

[00:15:20] Susan Barry: Your events have raised $600,000 for Face To Face and other charities. How do you accomplish that and make a profit at the same time?

[00:15:32] Gary Saperstein: Yeah, it's a balance. That's for sure. But, um, it, that all comes down making a profit in doing what I'm doing is really about the partnerships, relationships and sponsorships that I have forged over the years and to have people really believing in what I'm doing and want to be a part of it that they become a sponsor. And I'm really proud that I've had sponsors for many years now who, you know, continually return because they want to be authentic in their, you know, wanting to be a part of the LGBTQ community and support us. So that's been absolutely wonderful. So to all my sponsors, and I also call them relationships because that's what I want them to be.

[00:16:20] Not just, “Oh, you're just a sponsor.” And um, so that's, that helps make a profit. And then, so we do, you know, always a portion of ticket, um, proceeds from ticket sales will always go to the nonprofit. And then at most of the events also, there's always an auction. With Gay Wine Weekend, I do a live auction, which, you know, fortunately, you know, people support Face To Face and the, the history of what that organization is all about, since the big being there in Sonoma County, since the beginning of the AIDS crisis. That, you know, every year we raise between like $50,000 and $70,000 just at the auction alone where, you know, a hundred percent of what's raised goes to the nonprofit.

[00:17:05] Susan Barry: Got it. Wow.

[00:17:06] Gary Saperstein: And same thing with, you know, my Pink Sonoma event, which is for LGBTQ youth. And there's, you know, a silent auction there. And again, a hundred percent of what's raised just goes to the nonprofit.

[00:17:19] Susan Barry: We like to make sure that our listeners come away from each and every episode of Top Floor with a couple of practical, tangible tips that they can try either in their businesses or in their personal day to day lives. If you had to boil it down to two or three things, what are the absolute most important things you have to focus on to have a major event like Gay Wine Weekend be successful? I'm thinking about Fry Festival or Fyre Festival. Like that went so wrong. So what's the opposite of that?

[00:17:57] Gary Saperstein: Uh, right. Yes. Um, you know, it really is for me, I would say it's definitely organization. Because you have to be, you have to find that way to be as organized as you possibly can be. Especially e even in the midst of chaos that can go on, you know, when you're dealing with and doing events. Because when you're doing events you are, um, you know, you are working with a lot of people who are helping make that event happen and you know, so you have to be that person to who hopefully can drive them and be organized to keep everything on track.

[00:18:33] Then I would say it's also it's the people that are working with you. It's, you know, and I have some, you know, I'm fortunate to have some great people who have been with me for a few, five, six years, seven years now, um, who run, especially the big event as part of Gay Wine Weekend. Um, you know, so the, where they can take that on. And then work with the volunteers because also when you're working and putting on events where you are trying to raise money for nonprofits, you know, you can't just have, you can't have a huge payroll because then you never make any money or be able to donate any money to the organizations. So I also depend on volunteers

[00:19:12] And it's really um, it's how you treat your volunteers, is really huge. Um, they're giving their time and, you know, um, I just always know that I want to make sure that they're, they're having a good time while they're doing the work and giving back at the same time. So really, and then it's again, as I said about my sponsorships, it's all about the relationships you have with people in the, in the business and in the industry who want to work with you, who care about what you're doing, and want to be a part of it. And even though I'm, you know, paying people, you know, the, the event rental companies and caterers and, you know, the lighting design, um, you want to work with people who care about what you're doing. And that's really been important to me. So I feel like they're giving their best to the event.

[00:20:04] Susan Barry: I think you're absolutely right about that. So I have to wonder, during the weekend, do you have any fun or are you crazed? Or is it like every minute leading up to the beginning is crazy and then by the time you get there, you're like, all right, I've done what I can, so let's go.

[00:20:26] Gary Saperstein: A little bit of everything that what you just said. Absolutely. Um, there's a part I feel like I just go, I take a deep breath when the event begins and I don't breathe until it's over. That's what I always say. But what I learned a number of years ago is at some point in all the, you know, just everything that's going on, you know, in my, in my head and outwardly, I always now always try to remember to stop and take a look. Take that moment, and I advise this to anybody, take all that hard work and that you put into it, take that moment, take that time to stop, look at what you created.

[00:21:10] Susan Barry: That's really good advice.

[00:21:11] Gary Saperstein: And I always, always try and do that. It always, and actually, honestly, it brings tears to my eyes every time. Because I go like, I can't believe I made this happen… with help a lot of people! But, you know, like, yeah, it's a moment and you serve it and you have to take it in because it is, it's a whirlwind at the same time.

[00:21:33] Susan Barry: What kind of tips would you offer for expanding from one event to multiple events throughout the year, or even from a smaller event to a big weekend like that? Like, are there particular things about scaling that you have tips and suggestions on?

[00:21:52] Gary Saperstein: Well, you know, for me, it's about making sure that I'm not saturating the market. Overly saturating the market with that. I am working with here and trying to bring to my events. So, you know, for me, it's a combination of spacing out the events. It's part of making sure that each event is different. Um, even though we're marketing to the same group of people, I want to make certain that each event is offering them something different. And it's almost like also wanting to create for people something that they don't ever really get to experience.

[00:22:30] Um, and like the Twilight T-Dance, which is the signature event of Gay Wine Weekend. Well, you know, what makes that event so unique is that you're literally out in a vineyard with a DJ and a dance floor and a disco ball dancing. Now you could go dancing every night of the week if you want in any, in major cities. But when was the last time you went dancing in a vineyard?

[00:22:51] Susan Barry: Right.

[00:22:52] Gary Saperstein: So, you know, that's, it's trying, I always say, it's like, I want to make sure that each event is unique and unto itself where people want to come and join in, even if they've come to three events of mine a year or all of them. That's, um, that's how I do it. And then it's realizing the space that you're in and what you can do and what you can accommodate in that space.

[00:23:14] Susan Barry: We have reached the fortune telling portion of our show. So you are going to predict the future and we'll see if you're right. We talked a little bit about this already, about how wineries went from sort of a state of maybe not paying attention to really wanting to engage with the LGBTQ+ community. What is a prediction you have about the future of marketing in general to your community?

[00:23:45] Gary Saperstein: Well, there, there were two areas of focus to me. One without a doubt now is ever since marriage equality is if you are not marketing to the LGBTQ community for weddings, if you're, if you're a space that can do weddings, um, you're missing the boat. And if you don't have any imagery on your website, that shows, you know, LGBTQ couples getting married at your establishment, you are missing the boat. So, I mean, that is one thing I think that, you know, they definitely need to continue.

[00:24:20] Susan Barry: I think that's such a good point. I want to underscore it, that photography thing, you know, a lot of our listeners are in the hotel business, and the idea that you should put a same sex couple on your wedding page of your website is so obvious and so not done that it makes me want to smack myself in the forehead. So I just want to make sure that people hear it when we say it, right?

[00:24:47] Gary Saperstein: I am so with you. I had an incident a few years ago, one hotel that does weddings focuses on weddings. And he said to me, “Oh, check it, take a look at our new website.” And I mean, we went to their weddings page and I just was like. “Oh, my God, you have just missed the boat. You created a whole new site. Spend all this money. You don't have one LGBTQ image on your wedding page. Hello?” And that was back in 2016. The year it passed, you know, so, so I think that's an area that people need to focus on in the industry.

[00:25:20] Susan Barry: I think you're absolutely right. If you could wave a magic wand and create a new product or service that would make your events run more smoothly - it does not have to be realistic - but what would it be?

[00:25:33] Gary Saperstein: Uh, you know, I mean, you know, part of me now is, you know, everything really is about experiential and giving people an experience. That's what people want. That's when events stand out. So it's hard to think of like, you know, just like, what would that one product be? But what I challenge every event planner to do event rental companies to do is continue to come up and create things that can help make an event different, bolder, brighter, um, that's going to give people an experience that they're not going to forget.

[00:26:11] You know, an experience worth remembering that's what people want to walk away with. And it could be as simple as, you know, the lighting that you have to, you know, uh, you know, uh, you know, the, the music that you're playing to your, you know, um, God, especially visuals, visuals. I think are part of the future and that's to play with at some point is creating different visual elements that become part of your event that wow, people,

[00:26:40] Susan Barry: That's really cool. What is next for you and what is next for Out in the Vineyard?

[00:26:46] Gary Saperstein: Uh, well, um, you know, pre-COVID I was actually starting to think about and working with other wine regions. Um, one of them being Willamette Valley up in Oregon. And, um, we sort of put, then COVID happened of course, so we sort of put that on hold and then I sort of put, I put it on hold since.

[00:27:09] COVID just getting things back up to normal. Um, but now that that's happened, I am, you know, one part I think of growth for the organization is to be able to bring this event or one event to other wine regions. And so that's something that I'm looking into. And that is really exciting. And to bring, you know, our community together in with wine as a focus to it, something that I love and something that I think brings people together and that, um, I would love to see happen.

[00:27:44] Susan Barry: I think that's such a good idea. Also, I mean, if you think about people don't have unlimited vacation days and travel money and all that stuff. So the idea that you could have a similar experience, but get to go to different locations I think is very appealing. I think that's such a really good idea

[00:28:04] Gary Saperstein: Yeah, something that’s close to their home. And I think that, you know, I've built up a good enough audience over the years that come to Sonoma for Gay Wine Weekend that you know what, if I did it in Willamette Valley or some other region, a lot of people would come to enjoy the experience of a wine region.

[00:28:19] Susan Barry: I’m sure. Yeah, I think you're absolutely right. Okay, folks, before we tell Gary goodbye, we are going to head down to the loading dock where all of the best stories get told except for the stories you hear over a glass of wine

Elevator voice announces, “Going down.“

[00:28:38] Susan Barry: Gary, what is a story you would only tell me on the loading dock?

[00:28:42] Gary Saperstein: Okay, let's start on the loading dock down here in the basement we are. Or as I like say, in the gutter. No.

[00:28:50] Susan Barry: Yes, that's exactly where I would like for us to be. Take it away.

[00:28:54] Gary Saperstein: And this is going back a number of years ago. And this is where I was told the story because I was too busy. I wasn't didn't witness it all myself, but I always loved the story of this couple that met. During the Twilight T-Dance that's part of gay one weekend and they they ended up, you know out in the vineyard, shall I say? Which they they literally were out in the vineyard having a nice time, from what I understand just, ya know, making out and you know. They actually were just about to miss the last shuttle. So they heard that the last shuttle was leaving and they started running after the shuttle and both of them literally just like fell on their faces.

[00:29:33] Susan Barry: Oh no!

[00:29:35] Gary Saperstein: Not because they were drunk, just because they were running and um, but, but they did yell for the shuttle and did get the shuttle to stop and got on the shuttle. Thank God. So they didn't miss the shuttle.

[00:29:48] Susan Barry: Oh no! Did they trip over a grapevine?

[00:29:51] Gary Saperstein: I always love that story that they, they met, started making out, having a nice little session out in the vineyard. That's the name of the company. And, um, were almost going to miss that last shuttle, but fortunately, we were able to make it after they, you know, toppled a little bit.

[00:30:08] Susan Barry: So romantic. Gary Saperstein, thank you so much for being here. I know our listeners got some great event tips and ideas, and I really appreciate you riding with us to the top floor.

[00:30:23] Gary Saperstein: Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. This was really fun and very entertaining for me.

[00:30:29] Susan Barry: Thanks so much for listening. You can find the show notes at topfloorpodcast.com/episode/140. Jonathan Albano is our editor, producer, and all around genius. He even wrote and performed our theme song with vocals by Cameron Albano. You can subscribe to Top Floor on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you like to listen. And your rating or review will go a long way in helping us give you more of what you like.

[00:31:05] Narrator: Thanks for listening to the Top Floor Podcast at www.topfloorpodcast.com. Have a hospitality marketing question? Reach us at 850-404-9630 to be featured in a future episode.